Careful What You Wish For
by Jclimactic
Summary: Be careful what you wish for, sometimes you get it; just when you realize it's not what you want anymore. Choices were made, but things are changing. Events drive new choices for both Beckett and Castle. Speculation fic for the fall finale.


**A/N: The working title of this piece was: 47 Demmings in the Watershed. The are no Demmings in this story. Not one, and certainly not 47. But I think you will get the gist of the title soon enough... It's pure speculation of where the writers may take the fall finale. Why do something original when you can just combine and redo some old stories? I think this storyline would be an absolutely terrible idea, but it came to me; and delivering terrible stories is a compulsion for me as it is with some other writers.**

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Castle rode the elevator to the homocide floor of the 12th precinct, having been given a heads up by Ryan. They'd brought in a murder suspect, who had immediately clammed up and uttered a single word: "Lawyer." The only reason Castle had bothered to attend this particular event was the indication that Beckett had taken a particular interest. She intended to roast both the lawyer and his client, break then both, and have a confession signed, sealed, and delivered to the district attorney before the shift change.

Beckett. Interrogation. That was all Castle had needed to hear truthfully. She had moved out, left; giving him no indication when she would be back, though implicitly insisting that she would be at some point, once she'd work out some undisclosable personal issue. She'd said it wasn't anything he had done; but being honest "it's not you, it's me" had become a tired old cliche precisely because it was so often untrue. Castle knew he'd done something, but it just hadn't clicked yet.

"Yo Castle, you know your not supposed to be here." Esposito had spotted him, whole Ryan was indiscreetly looking the other way.

"Esposito! I just stopped by to see my wife. At work." The last part had been delivered impersonally, firmly. At one point he'd thought the two junior detectives had been friends, but now he had to bribe them to cooperate. Then sided with Beckett, never seeming to consider that he might not be at fault for whatever was going on.

"Castle, she's in interrogation. They are just starting." Ryan seemed to be trying to diffuse what could have become a tense situation, nodding in the direction of the observation room.

Slipping into the darkened room, Castle barely heard the muttering behind him.

"She doesn't want him here bro..."

"She says that, but have you seen her looking at..."

The door clicked shut and Castle saw the bright interrogation room beyond, just as Beckett, his wife, slapped a file down on the table between her and the two unidentified people sat before her.

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Beckett launched into her attack, they had the culprit dead to rights, all the evidence they needed for a conviction, a confession would help speed things along though, "Mrs Michaels, we know you did this, you killed David Norman in cold blood."

The man at the table leaned forward, placed his hands on the flat surface, "Captain Beckett, please address you comments to me, Caleb Brown, attorney for the accused."

Her eyes whipped over to him from where she'd been watching Michaels, "Accused Mr Brown? Guilty. She's guilty, and we can prove it."

He smiled at her, he wasn't young, perhaps the same age as her, but gave off the vibe of youthful vigor, "Why don't we let the justice system determine that Captain? Rather than you taking the place of the judge and jury?"

Beckett leaned over the table, taking an intimidating posture, "Justice? Your client killed Norman in cold blood."

Brown glanced over at his client before speaking again, "Hypothetically Captain, if we are speaking hypothetically, then I can assure you that if my client had anything to do with this crime, then it most certainly would not have been in cold blood."

Beckett barked out a laugh, "You think that Norman was suspect in the murder of her daughter five years ago that this is somehow justified? She suddenly couldn't control her emotions?"

"Norman is, was, a very wealthy, very connected, very powerful man. My client has evidence, compelling evidence, that he was present at the scene of her daughters murder." Brown was leaning forward too now, he was upset, becoming angry.

Beckett certainly wasn't going to back down, "Then she should have taken then information to the authorities, to the police; not gone off on some revenge kick to get payback"

"She did! You have the files, I know you have the files. She tried to do this through the system, and it failed her. They failed her. The NYPD failed her. People like you failed her Captain!" He was yelling now, not loud enough to draw other members of the precinct into the room. Yet.

Beckett wasn't the sort to back down in this type of situation, she never had been, "The system exists for a reason! People don't just get to play vigilante and take justice into their own hands!"

"Justice? Justice exists only for the rich, the powerful; those who can pull strings behind the scenes. People like you Captain Beckett," he spat words out like epithets, "ensure that. Justice isn't blind. And it should be."

Now she was irate, she should control herself better in this situation, but he was pushing all her buttons, "People like me? Like me!? I care about justice, bringing closure more than you possibly imaging!"

Brown leaned forward even further, getting right up into her face, "Do not lie Captain. You care about closing a case. You don't care about justice at all!"

She saw red, she had sacrificed everything she wanted for justice, "Oh, I care! I blew up my marriage for truth! Walked out on it for justice! That's how important is it to me!"

Brown eased back into his chair, her inflamed face and posture apparently enough to deter him from pushing the issue to much further, "My client wanted justice, wanted the truth to come out. Now it will. Justice wasn't delivered, should she sit by and let the guilty, the rich, get away with it?"

"Tell your client, that if she comes clean now, confesses everything, then just maybe the prosecutor will take pity on her. Maybe she won't lose everything, her marriage, her children; maybe they won't give up waiting and forget about her as she serves out her time away from them for the so called justice she sought."

Beckett's voice almost stumbled now, her brain had become distracted, "Maybe Mr Brown, your client should consider that. The sooner she comes clean, the better chance she has of this having a better rather than worse ending."

The attorney spoke again, "I think, perhaps we'll go down swinging Captain Beckett; try out luck with a jury of Mrs Michaels' peers. I think perhaps they might see what she did as right and good. Bringing down the powerful, the guilty, the people will support that."

Beckett shook her head at him, "There will always be some that see any action as right, any consequence as justified. Will her family feel the same way when she spends the rest of her life away from them? Behind bars? For her view of justice? To them, she'll just be gone."

It hit her then, what had been percolating in her brain. She'd learnt so much about life, about herself, about what she wanted while in rooms like this, confronting those she sought to bring to justice. Now she thanked her lucky stars that her transition to Captain hadn't, yet, cost her the opportunity to learn more, because she had.

She was throwing everything away, in pursuing a course of justice with single minded intensity. What was the good in that, if there was nothing to go home to at the end. If Michaels had talked it over with family, they would have talked her out of making the biggest mistake of her life, she'd still have her family and the prospect of justice for her daughter's killer. Instead both she, and her family would lose everything.

Beckett knew, if she talked to Castle, he'd support her, he supported her in everything. They could tackle this case, LockSat, together. Involving him would be dangerous;, but so was not involving him, he was in danger every day; had a gun pulled on him just recently, just because of his connection to her. They could do it carefully, together; rather than run the risk of him stumbling on it at some point and investigating without her knowledge.

What good was pursing LockSat if there was no Castle to go home to at the end of the day? That's precisely why she wanted to protect him, to have him at home, safe, for her to return to when she was done. If pushing him away, going behind his back, like Michaels had done with her family, might result in him being gone too. She'd tried, dropped hints, left him the shirt; all attempts to encourage him to wait for her, however long this might take. If he wasn't there when she resolved this case, then all her efforts to protect him for her return were for naught. She would have lost everything anyway.

"Captain? Are you still with us?"

Beckett shook herself from her reverie, things need to be wrapped up here, and set straight elsewhere.

She physically shook her head to get her mind back in the game, walked over to the interrogation room door, and tossed out her last thought, "Have your client think on that. Does she want to come clean now, and keep what she can; or stay the stubborn course and lose everything."

Beckett needed to talk, to someone, not to Rick, not until she'd got her head straight. She couldn't afford anymore mistakes with him. Her first thought was Lanie, she'd been distance with her beet friends recently, hiding, and she knew it. Persons now wasn't the tine though, perhaps a professional would be better, Dr Burke immediately came to mind. Beckett hadn't seen him in a while, and she doubted that an immediate appointment would be available. Clearly her mind was a mess, Lanie, Burke, Lanie, Burke. She needed certainty, to able to speak right now; that meant Lanie.

Moving without hesitation, quickly, she exited the interrogation room. Both Ryan and Esposito looked up from their paperwork, seeing the determined expression on her face they glanced at each other.

"Captain? Is there.." Esposito had started to speak, before she cut him off as she marched across the bull pen.

"Escort Caleb Brown out of the precinct, and Jillian Michaels back to holding. I'm going to see Lanie, it's important, do not interrupt unless it's life or death." She made it to the elevator and passed the down button before even finishing her instructions.

Beckett was distracted, focused, waiving off Esposito's comments as the door closed. She was in too much of a hurry to listen to him, or Ryan right now. She had important things to take care of.

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Richard Castle was ashamed. He well recalled the old saying: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. He felt nothing but shame. He thought they had grown together, but here he was again. For the second time, discovering that Beckett had been lying to him and she had spilled her secrets to a suspect. She could be honest with people she thought were criminals, but not her own husband.

She had promised him no more secrets, and here she was again lying to him yet again. He'd stormed out of the observation room, anger permeating every cell of his body, immediately after hearing it. It wasn't anything he had done, that was the one, the only truth she had told him. Beckett had walked out on him, walked out on their marriage for some internal conception of justice. For some case, some quest she had set herself on. Bracken was right, he would never be enough for her. She would always chase something else, dedicate herself to something other than them.

Castle wasn't crazy, he never expected that she's suspend her career, become a house wife; he never wanted that. Her strength and independence was one of the things that most attracted him to her. He wholeheartedly supported that drive.

What he did want was to be part of her life, not a spectator in it; one she insisted had to wear a blindfold time after time, after time.

Now the blind fold had been ripped off, and he saw clearly again.

The luxury of having Lucy at home was that she could answer the phone too, not just mock him every morning. While Lucy was only speed dial #4 on his phone currently, he made a mental note to promote her, bump her up to #3 when he shifted all those above her one step higher. Except #1, that number was getting demoted. Demoted completely.

"Hello Castle." The same perky voice as always answered the phone as he exited the 12th precinct.

He was fuming, absolutely fuming, "Lucy, you still have that list of divorce attorney's?"

"Of course, I have extensive memory, and no need..."

"Make me an appointment, the top Attorney on that list. Right now. As soon as they can see me."

"Please hold." The music was some song he barely recognized. Ah, it came to him, Foreigner from the 1970s, something about being as cold as ice.

He'd made it into a cab, was about to give instructions to head back home when Lucy's voice popped back up again, "You have an appointment with Mr Horowitz, of Listz, Horowitz, and Kissin in 25 minutes, at 401 Park. I gave them the basics. Can you make that?"

"Yes." He hung up. Yes he could make it, this needed to be done now, while his anger was fueling him, before he chickened out and just went home to drown his sorrows in scotch instead.

The cab was driving, speeding after he'd passed the driver a $100 and told him he'd double it if they made the trip in 20 minutes during midday traffic. Castle growled, no not Castle, Rick, that's what everyone called him before he met Beckett, Kate; he growled steadily to himself. He knew he was an easy going man, slow to anger, but when he reached that explosive point, capable of expressing and attacking. Beckett had told him no more secrets, he didn't care why, there was no explanation as to why that could make up for this betrayal. He'd told her recently that a lie within marriage had no greater betrayal, and she had just looked at him and kept on lying.

It took 22 minutes, longer than the driver had promised, but Castle slipped him the extra $100 anyway. He had gotten him to where he needed to go, that was worth at least a hundred. This meting was going to cost him multiples of that, and the consequences, they would cost multiples of even that.

Castle took the elevator up to the 23rd floor, and after a brief introduction was ushered into Mr Horowitz's wood paneled office. Almost immediate the door opened again, and a man in his early sixties walked briskly in. He almost reminded Castle of Beckett's father, but there were subtle differences, the eyes, they were a tad colder, the hair a smidgen sharper.

"Mr Castle, I'm sorry you rushed over here, I'm not sure what we can do for you given the circumstances." He gestured Castle into a chair as he sat down a behind his desk.

Circumstances? His circumstances were pretty clear to him, a marriage that had changed nothing, vows that had meant nothing, "I'm sorry? What? I'm here about a divorce."

The lawyer steepled his fingers as he leaned back in his chair, "Yes Mr Castle, I understand, your assistant explained. But you realize you are already divorced? Correct?"

"What?" He had two under his belt already, but the last one was years ago.

"You divorced your then wife, a Ms Gina Cowell, back in 2006. Is that not correct?" There was a query, not just in the question, but in the eyes staring at him.

Gina? Yes he divorced Gina. But... "I know that. I'm here about my current wife, Kate Beckett."

It was the turn of Mr Horowitz to look confused, "I'm sorry? We did a preliminary public record search as we do for a potential new client, but we found no record of any marriage between you and a Ms Beckett."

The confusion seemed to be compounding, much like the lies, "That doesn't make sense. I married her last November. In the Hamptons."

Castle had had enough of being treated like a child, and Horowitz seemed to be heading in that direction, "I'm afraid to say Mr Castle, but there is no record of that marriage. Truth be told, it's past the filing date, so even if you have the signed license it wouldn't be valid. You are not married Mr Castle."

What?

When Mr Horowitz speaking again, Castle realized he hadn't spoken out loud, just been frozen while processing the information, "This has apparently come as a..."

Confusion did not even begin to cover his mental state now, "I'm not married?"

"No." Simple. Definitive.

"But I don't understand." He really didn't, even if this was what he now wanted, the marriage over, this was not how he expected it to occur.

"For whatever reason, Mr Castle, it is clear that your marriage wasn't legally valid."

"How could this happen?" Honest curiosity was playing a part in the questioning now, that part of his mind taking over while the rest of of his brain caught up with the facts on display.

Horowitz cleared his throat, seemingly offended but this mix up, "Occasionally the paperwork is misplaced, misfiled, it is rare, but when it happens, there is not much to be done. Other than repeating the process if that is desired. In this case..."

"How did I not know this?" His brain was flailing, three steps beyond just confused now. He had been married to Kate. To Beckett. The lived together until she left.

"I can't say Mr Castle, but it is clearly surprising to you. Your wife, I apologize, New York does not recognized common law marriage, so Ms Beckett is not your wife. Anyway. Ms Beckett was recently promoted to Captain, and..."

Castle interrupted, "She was recruited to run for New York State Senate too."

Horowitz's face took on a pinched look, his lips thinning, "I find it hard to believe... I'm sorry Mr Castle, it really isn't appropriate to discuss further. I think it unlikely that you will become a client for obvious reasons, and I think it's best if we leave the topic here."

Mr Hotowitz stood up from behind his desk, and ushered a somewhat shell shocked Castle out of the office and towards the elevators, "I think Mr Castle, you should probably speak to your estate attorney at this point. I'm sorry I couldn't help you."

Castle rode the elevator down to the lobby, he'd already lost his wife, and now his marriage wasn't real either. He needed to clear his head, get time to think.

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Beckett was pacing outside Lanie's morgue, she'd tried to barge in when her friend had both her arms buried in the abdomen of a cadaver. While she needed to talk right now, Lanie had a job to finish.

So instead of immediately getting her revelation off her chest, she was pacing, stewing, stressing about what to do, how to fix this. After 20 minutes of pacing, she'd gnawed off one finger nail, was starting on a second, and her lower lip felt swollen too.

Lanie's voice called through the doorway, "Kate, I'm done for now."

Barging through the door Beckett saw Lanie in the process of drying her freshly washed arms, "I need to talk to you. You have to help me work some things out."

Lanie glanced at her desk, where Beckett could see a pile of paper work waiting to be tackled, "Can we do it tonight?"

She could feel the pressure building, needed to spill, to talk to someone before she again did something she might regret later, "It's urgent Lanie. Really urgent."

Lanie finished up, walked over to her desk an doers end her hip on it, clearly not picking up on Beckett's urgency, "Is it a case? I have nothing new on the Michaels case."

"Not that case, no, it's personal."

Lanie smiled, broke out on a grin, "Then tonight would be even better honey! We haven't talked in a while. We could go out, dress up, go dancing, check out some guys, let them buys us some drinks. We could have a great time, just like the old days."

The old days? She wanted the old days back, but not those, more recent old days. Perhaps Lanie wasn't the person to talk to, but she was here now and needed a sounding board.

This was serious, she need to get Lanie to take it seriously, "It's about Castle."

Lanie almost appropriated her signature, an eye roll, she batted down Beckett's objections, "Pffft. It can't be that urgent then, you've been separated two months already. He's a grown man, he can wait. Let's have some fun tonight! You love to dance!"

"Lanie. Those kind of dancing days are in my past, it's my future I'm worried about now."

Beckett's serious tone was apparently finally making it through the haze of Lanie's thirst for fun. "Ok Kate, what's on your mind?"

She wanted to get it out in the open, ensure that Lanie had no doubts about what was driving her here, "You know I love him right?"

Lanie started out confident enough, but her voice became questioning at the end, "Never doubted it for a second honey, and he loves you too. But..."

There shouldn't be a but there as far a Beckett was concerned, that wasn't the issue at all, "But what?"

Pinched lips, and a skewed smile were not a great sign from her friend, "Well I love Javi too, sometimes love isn't enough is it? To overcome differences. We just don't work together. Not in the long run."

Kate became tense, almost as if her physical determination could make it more true, "Castle and I. We work together. We do."

Lanie gently shook her head, "Not really Kate. Can you honestly say that? What ever is going on with you right now, that you won't share with him, or me, you are doing that alone. That's the opposite of together honey."

That was precisely what she'd come to realize, alone wasn't the ending she wanted. "Can I fix it Lanie? Is it too late? He's been waiting, keeps pushing, but I don't know if he'll ever really forgive me."

"Ask yourself Kate, how long do you think he would wait? You've made him wait before, and he did for a long time, but that almost ended everything for you. Your life and your chance with him."

That sent a chill through Beckett, she'd almost lost her life that time. Pushing Castle away, not for his protection, but in anger, and chasing after Maddox. She'd repaired it she thought, it hadn't really had any lasting consequences, but when he found out, would he be so forgiving a second time?

Lanie pushed again, harder, "How long would you have waited Kate? When he disappeared? If he hadn't been found for a year, would you still been waiting for him? Or would you have started to move on?"

No matter what drove a separation she knew, even the best intentions, a quest for justice; no matter what, eventually it ate away the core of what kept people together. Michaels had sought justice she though nobody else would deliver, and she was going to pay the price, and the more stubborn she was the more destructive the price would be.

Uncertainly threaded through her response, "I don't know Lanie, I really don't. I just know that eventually a relationship dies, and I'd only find out after it was too late."

"Is whatever is going on with you enough to take that risk? Of making him wait too long?"

Beckett finally just metaphorically bit the bullet, "I want to go home Lanie. I want my marriage back. I want Castle back by my side."

Lanie gently smiled at her, "Do what's best for you girl. If you want it all back, go get it back. Go home."

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The hammering on the door was almost perfectly timed, beginning just as he pulled the zipper closed on his second suitcase. He carried it toward the entryway, grabbing his jacket as he passed the couch and begun slipping it on as he opened the front door to the loft.

Beckett was on the other side, hand raise to pound on the door once again, "Castle! Can we talk?"

Not the person he expected, or wanted to see right now, "Beckett. I don't have time for this right now."

Kate smiled, a hesitant smile, but a smile nonetheless, "Can I come in please? It's important."

Castle pulled him bags into the doorway with him, essentially blocking the way, "I'm heading out of town. Leaving town. Like you left me."

The hurt, he could see the pain in her eyes, almost see her wince in physical pain, "That's what I wanted to.."

He could t help it, interrupted her, "Have you known the whole time Beckett? Did they tell you when the wanted you to run for office, one more thing you didn't have to worried about? That we aren't married? That you could leave your fool behind?"

The color dropped out of her face, her eyes widened, her face seemed to fumble before his eyes, but he couldn't stop now, "Did you know our marriage wasn't real? Is that why you left? You never wanted it?"

"No!" It exploded out of her, "No! Rick! I want our marriage more than anything." Her hands were coming up, lifted in his direction, her body leaning towards him.

There it was, her promise of more, of his importance too her, "More than anything? Then why did you leave?"

That was the question he'd been dying to know, but now he did know. She had something else, some case that was more important to her. More important than them.

"It's complicated Rick. It's something I thought I had to do alone." She had opened her mouth again, as if she was going to say more.

"Partners, that's what you told me Beckett. No more secrets Kate, that too. But that only applies to me doesn't it? I scratched, I clawed, I worked for this, for us; but none of my effort would ever be enough in the end."

Her hand didn't stop this time, coming to rest on his chest, "Please Rick, just give me a moment to explain."

Castle shrugged her hand off, brushed past her with his bags and closed the door behind him, "No. You've had your time. You asked for time, space; now have the good grace to give me what you asked for."

The heart break was evident on her face, but he'd seen it before; seen it here, in those door way, at their swings, elsewhere, and it always, eventually ended the same way. More lies.

He walked towards the elevator, tossing a parting comment over his shoulder, "Maybe in the spring Kate. I would say take care of yourself, but you always do."

Beckett called out as he walked away, "Rick! Wait! I can explain."

He faced her as the elevator doors began to close, "I already waited Beckett, for the truth of us, and it never came."

The click of the elevator doors closing cut the line of sight, their connection had been completely severed.


End file.
